Kumquats: Aunt E

While I was tempted to plagiarize, I'm coming clean and admitting I did some research on this topic.

According to the book On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee, lesser-known citrus fruits that are worth knowing about include the following...

• "Kumquats, species of the genus Fortunella, are bite-size fruits that are eaten whole, thin rind and all. They are generally tart but not bitter. The calamondin or calamansi, also a diminutive citrus, is probably derived in part from the kumquat."

How I wish I could say I had Fortunella to eat today!

Kumquats: Rachel

Throughout the month of March, I came to realize that I had little inspiration to write on the topic of kumquats I had so enthusiastically proposed. After some thought, I had brainstormed multiple ideas, but individually, none of them were particularly satisfying. So, presented here is a collection of three ideas in the hopes that the total will be greater than the sum of its parts.

1) A kumquat-shaped poem

The kumquat
A fruit that is so rarely sought
Have you ever heard of two that fought
Over the fruit called kumquat?
It seems most are left to rot
Those kumquats

2) Kumquats, a brief encounter

At work one day, it was announced that we were to have cake in the afternoon in celebration of an unmemorable event. I really only recall the multilayer chocolate cake complete with vanilla filling and chocolate shavings. This cake was garnished by kumquats which looked lovely. There was a brief discussion among those at the table regarding the identity of these mysterious fruits. Once it was discovered that these were kumquats, a co-worker decided to taste a fruit. She promptly spit it out. Despite this adverse reaction, I, of course, felt the need to eat one. It wasn’t pleasant, but I at the whole thing.

3) Kumquats at the Conservatory of Flowers

Citrus trees populated a room at the Conservatory of Flowers. Kumquats were among them, and they added to the scenery.

Kumquats: Grandma take 2

The air is full of talking, it bulges, pushes, wallows
In words eager to get out, and the phone rings without ceasing
For all this noise to fray my hearing
A group can be heard talking, or silence wrong wrong numbers
Mischief and rude laughter from some idiot blabbering
And sitting on unnumbered chairs, the salesmen, ladies selling
Selling, selling, selling
These horrors night and day demanding us to listen
To their bray
But I have a super present, a recorder saving painful steps
And my psychic is getting tuned to know which ring might be a friend
or daughter's voice I would not miss
A wonder instrument that lets me ignore
The endless demanding, strident ringing,
Bringing sounds, before concealed in air,
Ballooned now and congealed, with the blithering
Of talk, talk, talk
Talk to which I do not want to listen
Telephones erupting with a dread disorder
Wordsick, wordsick, wordsick

Kumquats: Grandma

The kumquat tree doth squat
Beside the garden gate
Lofting arms bedecked
With fruits emolument
Delicious little bites
Just right for eating
While entering the garden
And again for taking
While exiting sans pardon
I wish I had a little tree
But it is not to be
Old age has crippled me
And I fall down in gardens

Kumquats: Aunt J.

Miss Kumquat was annoyed. It should have been just another day at the office but the fruit had not arrived and she was only too aware that her employer would have a screaming fit about it

Miss Kumquat had been putting up with Mr. Avocado’s little foibles for quite a long time and quite frankly, she was getting tired of it. In addition, she had not slept very well and was a bit cranky.

Mr. Avocado drifted into the office about 12:30 and, as expected, threw a hissy fit because there were no kumquats on his desk.

Miss Kumquat explained that kumquats were out of season, that fruit from Chile tasted like cardboard anyway and that the fruit vendor had not shown up.

Mr. Avocado didn’t care. He kept complaining, whining and generally carrying on like a five-year old.

Miss Kumquat popped another high blood pressure pill and resigned.

The end.
JAA
3/13/08
Walnut Creek, CA

Kumquats: Aunt S

When life gives you kumquats, what do you make? Kumquat marmalade? Suppose you lined up all the great citrus fruits in the world and tried to put them in order.

How many ways could you do it? Would you just sort by size? What if you sorted by flavor or by color or by the unusual characteristic of being entirely edible (except for the seeds)? What if you sorted by the flavor of the marmalade? What if your essay was supposed to be about limequats and you got mixed up and wrote about kumquats?

What if you thought you were mixed up and you almost changed it and then you learned it really was supposed to be about kumquats and everything was perfect?

Kumquats: Lucy/mom